don't call me a cougar

Courteney Cox has suggested that she would like the name of her show Cougar Town to be changed.

The programme’s executive producer Bill Lawrence recently confirmed that he is considering a different title for the series as the premise has changed since the pilot.

Cox, who stars in the show as Jules, has now claimed that the current name could be misleading.

“We’ve been talking about [a name change] for a long time,” she told Access Hollywood. “I don’t know if it’s going to happen or not. I don’t know… I honestly don’t know.”

She continued: “This show is not just for women. It’s for women and men. It’s funny. It’s crazy. It’s kooky and you know it’s heartfelt and it’s all of that. So… we don’t want people to get misled by the name Cougar Town. It’s just about trying to get what the real show is about and we may do it or we may not.”

See full article on Digital Spy

Although the term ‘cougar’ has become synonymous with older women who date younger men, its predatory image is neither accurate nor acceptable in the opinion of many women tagged with the label. Since there’s no similar word to describe an older man who dates younger women, many feel it’s far from complimentary. In fact, they say it is ageist, sexist, and certainly not empowering to women.

Celebrities from Demi Moore (whose husband Ashton Kutcher is 16 years her junior) to Kim Cattrall have emphatically stated, “Don’t call me a cougar!” Cattrall in particular rejects the the idea that Samantha, the iconic character she played for six seasons on Sex and the City, is a cougar, saying that some who are uncomfortable with strong women use the term to label women. As Cattrall told the celebrity news show Extra, “I don’t see anything negative about Samantha and her sexuality, sensuality and choice.”

Long before Moore or Cattrall took a public anti-cougar stand, UK artist and entrepreneur Julia Macmillan defied the label by making the domain name dontcallmeacougar.com her own. There, she started a blog supportive of women in relationships with younger men because, as she sees it, “it should be as normal for a woman to date a younger man as it always has been for a man to date or marry a younger women.”

Like many attractive and intelligent women who look younger than their years, Macmillan typically dated younger men not because she sought them out but because they had approached her and were more compatible than men her age.

When she tried online dating in 2006, she found she wasn’t connecting with the same type of men she had met in person; and those that were contacting her didn’t suit her at all.

Thinking that there had to be a better way, in 2007 she founded a UK dating website with a deliberately sassy, tongue-in-cheek name — ToyboyWarehouse.com — where members abide by one simple rule: that women date men at least a year younger, and men date women at least a year older.

Nowhere on the website is the word ‘cougar’ ever used. As Macmillan says, “It’s not empowering to women.”

She seems to have hit a nerve. Three years later, the site is so successful she’s planning to launch a US version of ToyboyWarehouse in late 2010 in the New York City area.

read the rest of the article here

Ground breaking movie soon to be released in the UK showing an older woman /younger man relationship that actually has a positive ending and doesn’t just show it as ‘a bit of fun’….can actually be love too!

The fabulous Kim Cattrall was interviewed on Woman’s Hour this week. Here’s what she said about how her role as Samantha in Sex and The City changed attitudes (abridged):

“I think we were coming out of a time in 1998 (when SATC started) when people were not dropping like flies any more from AIDS as serums and treatments had been found. We’d come so far in the 60s and 70s and then this thing, like a sexual plague, shut everything down. With the beginning of the series came a new look at sexuality from a woman’s point of view. It didn’t make Samantha a slut, it didn’t make her undiscerning, it didn’t make her a cougar. I felt Samantha made sexuality an integral part of her life; she was expressing it fully. She was single she wasn’t hurting anyone, she had condoms in her purse so she was protecting herself, she was a modern day woman. She wasn’t going to be getting pregnant that wasn’t part of her life. The series was taking a taboo and making it something that people could first laugh about and then talk about.”

Hear the full interview on Woman’s Hour

Her latest film ‘Ghost’ has just been released.

I also have a younger lover, as the anonymous Guardian contributor posted recently. My husband and I don’t quite span the same 17-year age gap as she, but we do nudge past a decade, give or take a few months.

But unlike her, I detest the term cougar. Women dating younger men is not something new, but to be defined as predatory, scheming and power-hungry just because my partner is younger? Those are not the kind of boxes I’m looking to add to my resume. And the truth is, wearing the cougar badge (or choosing not to) is a feminist issue. As a mature, accomplished, and successful woman in my own right, I take exception at being defined, based on the age of the man I chose to marry. I don’t need a man to define myself, thanks all the same.

Yet more and more women are taking pride in wearing the ‘cougar’ badge, much in the way that when the ubiquitous Samantha from Sex and the City launched onto our screens, they perceived that being branded a ‘Samantha’ equalled being a liberated, out-there, challenging woman. Hindsight rather shows that trying to emulate men left many looking rather sad and more than a little superficial.

I’m delighted that more and more women are dating and celebrating their relationships with younger men, and why not, when men have been enjoying the company of younger women for so long – so long in fact, that their relationship status is largely left uncommented upon. When the age gaps of women dating younger men are also largely irrelevant in eyes of society, don’t elicit comment and the ‘C’ (cougar) word is finally dead and buried – that’s when we’ll have truly made progress.

Written by the fabulous Jo on her blog beyondcougar

What I find interesting is the fact that men get all the ‘good’ titles like bachelor and women get called cougars, MILFs or spinsters. I don’t agree with ’society’ putting names, titles and segments on everything.

“He thought I was younger, I thought he was older. (And there’s a 13 year difference!) I had to explain the term “cougar” because he didn’t know it. Nevertheless, I don’t like it. Granted, most of the significantly younger/older relationships I see are older man, younger woman, but I’m not a dirty old woman at 45! And even though this is turning out surprisingly well, my biggest concern is the negative image older woman/younger man couples seem to generate. New label, please!”

Comment on The Washington Post

Stepping out with a younger man requires confidence. Choosing the first younger guy who comes along (because he’s better than nothing), is doomed to end in failure. You need to be in the right place mentally and emotionally to deal with a relationship of any kind, let alone one with a younger man.

Perhaps you’re recently divorced, and think a younger guy will boost your morale – and be a bit of fun.  And perhaps it will be. But stepping back onto the dating scene requires courage – particularly with a younger man. Some people will tell you the best way to recover from your past relationship is to put yourself right back out there, but unless you have taken the time to evaluate what caused the break-up of your past relationship, and have learnt the lessons that resulted from it, you’re probably better to go gently and find yourself someone with whom you share much in common to ease back in to the dating game – that person may be someone closer to your own age. Emotional baggage is a sure-fire turn-off for most men, especially for younger guys who lack the life experience to be able to relate to and empathise with the ghosts of your past.

For the rest of the article go to http://beyondcougar.wordpress.com

A confession: I hate cougars. I hate the word “cougar.” I hate the concept of cougars. I hate the new show “The Cougar.”

This does not mean that I hate the solitary wild cat who feasts on deer, elk and sometimes armadillos, in regions across North and South America. Nor does it mean that I hate women who have sex with younger men. What I hate is the never-ending cutesy-pie conflation of the two.

Enthusiasm for the word “cougars” as applied to women, and not simply to high school football teams or John Mellencamp, seems to have begun around the millennium, with the 2001 publication of “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men,” by Valerie Gibson. But the term caught fire in 2005, fueled by the marriage that year of then-42-year-old Demi Moore to then-27-year-old Ashton Kutcher.

Four years later we are still awash in knee-slapping, claw-bearing, never-gets-old cougar mania! Rowr!

In addition to the reality show “The Cougar,” which premieres Wednesday on TV Land, Courteney Cox-Arquette has produced and stars in a pilot for an ABC sitcom called “Cougar Town.” The independent film “Cougar Hunting,” a comedy about young men chasing older women, was prevented from shooting at the Aspen courthouse because it was deemed too racy. “Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men,” was reissued in 2008, and has been joined on shelves by titles like “Cougars, Poptarts & One Night Stands: 101 Essential Wingman Tips” and “Hot Cougar Sex: Steamy Encounters With Younger Men.” There are cougar hunters. There are cougar Web sites. There is a recurring “Saturday Night Live” skit called “Cougar Den” — which always seems to star Cameron Diaz, whether or not she’s the host — in which hilariously menopausal but libidinous women act like ninnies in pursuit of Zac Efron, the Jonas Brothers and youth itself. There are also self-proclaimed professional cougars, women who are apparently just “smart, sexy, independent … and proud to be over 40,” whether or not they’re jumping over couches to grab crotches.

By Rebecca Traister read the rest on http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2009/04/15/cougars_madness

I think the term Cougar is demeaning to women. I understand why she wouldn’t want to be called that. It strikes up an image of a horny older woman who wants to recapture her youth thru younger men. Why can’t an older woman be with a younger man because there is a mutual attraction and sometimes chemistry is timeless. Why does the woman have to be viewed as an oversexed predator.

Both of us had interesting jobs that demanded too much of our lives. She was a divorced dr. in her early 50’s. I was a free spirited mid 30’s, responsible yet bold in seeking enrichment of experiences. Never happy with younger or women my own age. Seemed like there was stress in those relationships. When I met her she was home to me because she enjoyed all I had, and she liberated me in a way no women up to my age could. It’s not for everyone. I must say I never did fit into the type of staged life everyone around me seemed to be distracted with. She freed me from it, knowing there was only our time we could get, as I enjoyed what she accomplished. And I was a man living for deep feelings and exploring time in the environment when I could escape work. We became part of each other’s landscape, until we both had to follow our work. I would have followed her if she asked, but knowing my work was important to me, she never did. She was the best for me still 12 years gone.

Taken from http://womensissues.about.com/u/ua/femalesexuality/CougarPositiveNegative.htm