don't call me a cougar

I couldn’t have written better dating tips myself. These were sent to us by one of our members on www.toyboywarehouse.com

1)   Work out what it is YOU want from the boy and be honest with yourself and him. If you want to go out with him, don’t pretend to yourself that you just want to be mates, or just want to sleep with him. If you want to be just mates, don’t overdo it on the affection front and confuse him. That way disaster lies!
2)   Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Take note of what boys do, not what they say. If they’re all mouth and no trousers, don’t do what they say they will or can’t stand up to the mark when it’s needed, don’t worry about it; move on.
3)   How is the energy working? If you’re putting more effort in than they are over a period (days if you’ve know them weeks, weeks if you’ve known them months etc) then you need to redress the energy / have a chat about it / bail. You don’t train an Olympic relay champ by picking up the baton for them. Let them have their turn / prove themselves. It’s tempting as a girl to always ’sort things out’: don’t bother ‘cause otherwise you never get the proper measure of them.
4)   Don’t sleep with them too early. You’ll get attached, they’ll think they’ve got you.
5)   Boys always want what they can’t have. No need to respond immediately.
6)   What is love without lust? It’s got to be good.
7)   If they don’t phone… they haven’t been in an horrendous traffic accident, nor have their fingers been destroyed by frostbite. They just don’t want to. If they’ve lost their phone & want to find you, they will.
8)   If it’s not working for one of you, it’s not working for both of you. You’ll actually be doing him a favour, or vice versa.
9)   Don’t ignore red flags. If they do something thats a bit freaky, or don’t do what they say they will, note it, but if the red flags build up then you have to assess & chat / bail.
10)   Always work on the 80:20 rule. If 80% + is good, stick with it, it could be awesome. If it’s 70%, it might be worth working on. Any less than that, bail.
11)   Mates are important. Don’t drop yours. Ever. It’s a bit dodge if he doesn’t get on with your mates. And if he hasn’t got any mates, that’s a big red flag (see 9)
12)  Don’t break their balls over the small stuff. So they forgot to pick up the dry cleaning / are 20 mins late. Who cares: big deal. Life’s too short to stuff a mushroom, as my mother would say.
13)  Continuous over-reaction, or staging drama for a reaction is waste of energy. Don’t do it. They’ll end up thinking you’re a boring freak.
14)   Same with getting jealous. It’s dull. He’s with you for a reason. All boys look, and so do we. I nearly crashed my car the other day checking out a hottie and had to tell my ex I was swerving to avoid a sheep. To put it bluntly, just ‘cause you’re happily chained to the lamp-post, doesn’t mean you can’t bark at the cars. The only problem comes when someone is straining at the leash.
15)   A similar background is helpful, but the same values and fundamental life goals (family / kids / moving to Peru) are essential.
16)   If they hate / are obsessed with their mothers, it spells HARD WORK. Don’t go there, girl! You’ll never be as good, or they’ll assume you’re as awful.
17)   On the other hand, if they get on with their mother, that’s a really good sign.
18)   If you’re looking for a relationship, take note if you get previous signs of non-commitment. Ok, I don’t fit this rule myself, but I’m writing them, so I don’t care.
19)   Trust is paramount. Don’t shag around. When the trust is gone, you’re screwed.
20)   Never lose your sense of humour unless it’s really necessary.
21)   You can’t change them. If they’re selfish at 30, they’ll be selfish at 50. Some boys just aren’t a good bet. Don’t fall for a boy’s ‘potential’: it doesn’t exist. Throw ‘em back in the pond and let the bottom-pickers trawl them (it’s a trading term!)
22)  Don’t try and change them. You don’t go into a relationship expecting to be changed. Girls tend to have an irresistible urge to tinker. Ok, small stuff (forgetting things, being late) can be sorted, but you’re going out with a person, not a project. Constant criticism isn’t fun for anyone. See 10.
23)   Always have a back-up plan, or four. Until you’re going out with someone.
24)   Any boy should be lucky to have you. Don’t waste the pretty!

A couple of weeks ago my mother who is 78, told me she had read that Conchita Cintrón had died. I asked who this was. My mother had been brought up in Buenos Aires in The Argentine. After she came to England at the age of 21 spent much time on holiday in Spain. When in Spain she used to hang out with the bullfighters who would show her passes [and I’m sure make passes too!] At that time there was talk of Conchita Cintrón the only female bullfighter.

She was a gringa, with a Puerto Rican father and an Irish-American mother; this accounted for her fair northern colouring, which earned her the name “Golden Goddess” in Mexico, where she made her reputation. Conchita had not intended to work with capes or muletas. She had started as a horse-rider, until the day when her riding master encouraged his pupils to stick banderillas in an old chair from horseback. She took to the new game so eagerly that, at 13, he tried her talents on a frisky bull that was being driven to the local slaughterhouse. Her horse, as she gave it rein and raced forwards, leapt “like a swallow” with fear, but she saw her banderilla planted firmly for the first time in the black, mountainous neck. That was it. At 16, though her parents wished she would do something ladylike, such as learning French, she was touring professionally round the bullrings of Latin America. She was known especially for her verónicas, slow backward swings of the cape with both feet rock-steady as the bull raced towards her, almost upon her.

How incredibly brave! I said to my mother that she must have admired her courage. She replied that  life was different for women in the 50s and at the time she was seen as stepping out of her place. Women weren’t supposed to do that. Although, with the perspective of now, she could see what a courageous and talented woman she was. I find it amazing how much attitudes have changed in half a century.

Bullfighting was, and is, a man’s world. Conchita had been trained as a rejoneadora, in the Portuguese version of bullfighting, and was supposed to stay on her horse. Men went on foot to do their duelling with the bull, and to kill it; this was not women’s work. But Ms Cintrón found her horse got in the way. “Twos always work better than threes,” she liked to say. In her rejoneadora gear—no flashy suit of lights, but a silk jacket, leather chapped trousers and a wide-brimmed hat—she would slide from her steed and right into the close, bloody dance.

One late fight, in Jaen in 1950, was especially famous. Women were forbidden to fight on foot in Franco’s Spain, in case they were gored in unseemly ways. (Ms Cintrón was often injured and twice gored, once in each thigh, but managed to finish off the bull after fainting briefly.) On this occasion, having slipped illegally from her horse, she snatched a muleta and sword from the waiting novillero, raised the sword as the bull charged, and then dropped it, instead caressing the huge black neck as it hurtled past. For this “burst of glorious criminality”, as Orson Welles described it, she was instantly arrested and as instantly pardoned, as the crowd rained down hats and carnations. That final caress, with her delicate fingers, was a gesture only a woman might have thought of making.

By Julia

For the full article http://www.economist.com/obituary/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13217817