don't call me a cougar

I also have a younger lover, as the anonymous Guardian contributor posted recently. My husband and I don’t quite span the same 17-year age gap as she, but we do nudge past a decade, give or take a few months.

But unlike her, I detest the term cougar. Women dating younger men is not something new, but to be defined as predatory, scheming and power-hungry just because my partner is younger? Those are not the kind of boxes I’m looking to add to my resume. And the truth is, wearing the cougar badge (or choosing not to) is a feminist issue. As a mature, accomplished, and successful woman in my own right, I take exception at being defined, based on the age of the man I chose to marry. I don’t need a man to define myself, thanks all the same.

Yet more and more women are taking pride in wearing the ‘cougar’ badge, much in the way that when the ubiquitous Samantha from Sex and the City launched onto our screens, they perceived that being branded a ‘Samantha’ equalled being a liberated, out-there, challenging woman. Hindsight rather shows that trying to emulate men left many looking rather sad and more than a little superficial.

I’m delighted that more and more women are dating and celebrating their relationships with younger men, and why not, when men have been enjoying the company of younger women for so long – so long in fact, that their relationship status is largely left uncommented upon. When the age gaps of women dating younger men are also largely irrelevant in eyes of society, don’t elicit comment and the ‘C’ (cougar) word is finally dead and buried – that’s when we’ll have truly made progress.

Written by the fabulous Jo on her blog beyondcougar